The call came first thing this morning. Dr. C. wants to see you tomorrow at 8:45.
Dial tone.
Wait. What if I don't want to see him?
Did anyone think to ask me about what I want?
Will my wishes be taken into account?
I do not wish to see a doctor tomorrow.
I do not want to do this.
This was not on my Christmas 2012 list.
But then I go silent.
Remember? Silence is my friend.
It is there, in my silence, my Father reminds me of truth.
This is truth...
Sickness is part of the curse.
He came to give life.
I have accepted this gift.
I have given my life back to Him.
And He wants me to see the doctor tomorrow.
Alright.
Then that's what I want too.
And so I wait.
In silence.
For tomorrow.
For the doctor.
For the plan.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
the "telling" day
This morning Jeff and I shared with our church family what the past week has brought into our lives. Mammo/ultrasound Wednesday. Ultrasound/core needle biopsy Thursday. Diagnosis late Friday. And now the weekend to think about it. What continues to roll through my thoughts are two phrases that the doctor said. It matters which order he said it. I don't remember the order. Here are the two phrases.
You have breast cancer.
It doesn't look good.
Think about it. The order matters. Starting from a healthy body, the doc says, "It doesn't look good. You have cancer." That has a different meaning than "You have cancer. It doesn't look good."
I don't remember. I want to remember. Maybe it doesn't matter. But maybe it does.
But back to my church family. Awesome. Prayerful. Gentle. Caring. Sad. Tearful. And...full of faith and encouraging words. And this is not the only family that I am a part of.
I have an immediate family. Awesome. Prayerful. Gentle. Caring. Sad. Tearful. And...full of faith and encouraging words. And I have another family.
I have an extended family. Awesome. Prayerful. Gentle. Caring. Sad. Tearful. And...full of faith and encouraging words. (this time I used the cut and paste option!! because I am thrice blessed).
I am encouraged by the words my mother told me (a godly woman who knows about "faith stretchers"--times when our faith grows exponentially). She gave me the verse that is the address for this blog. Exodus 14:14. "The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."
I can do silent. I like silent. Silent is an old friend. Silent will be a new friend. I need friends.
You have breast cancer.
It doesn't look good.
Think about it. The order matters. Starting from a healthy body, the doc says, "It doesn't look good. You have cancer." That has a different meaning than "You have cancer. It doesn't look good."
I don't remember. I want to remember. Maybe it doesn't matter. But maybe it does.
But back to my church family. Awesome. Prayerful. Gentle. Caring. Sad. Tearful. And...full of faith and encouraging words. And this is not the only family that I am a part of.
I have an immediate family. Awesome. Prayerful. Gentle. Caring. Sad. Tearful. And...full of faith and encouraging words. And I have another family.
I have an extended family. Awesome. Prayerful. Gentle. Caring. Sad. Tearful. And...full of faith and encouraging words. (this time I used the cut and paste option!! because I am thrice blessed).
I am encouraged by the words my mother told me (a godly woman who knows about "faith stretchers"--times when our faith grows exponentially). She gave me the verse that is the address for this blog. Exodus 14:14. "The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."
I can do silent. I like silent. Silent is an old friend. Silent will be a new friend. I need friends.
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